


Home

by blue_striped_pyjamas



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 01:43:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_striped_pyjamas/pseuds/blue_striped_pyjamas
Summary: A letter from Patsy to her deceased Mother - set just after she returned to Nonnatus House. The fluffiest thing I can manage right now.





	Home

Dear my Darling Mother,

I miss you every day of my life, I hope I'm making you proud. I couldn't save you, as hard as I tried, and I couldn't save Father either. It has broken me Mother, but I hope I haven't let you down. It was so difficult for me to make the long journey out to Hong Kong. The house we grew up in in Singapore is long gone, along with any remnant trace of you and my dearest sister. The time I spent on board the large vessel gave me so much time to think, and brought back so many memories. The most brutal memories of the camp I have relived so many times, but I never paid much thought to how I felt as a child, being packed off to England for the first time, seemingly to never return to the far lands I grew up in.

I thought I was going home Mother, but stepping off the boat, I found myself in a land more foreign than I could ever imagine. Then I thought that perhaps I would feel more at home when I saw Father again after so many years, but he barely recognised me, and I suppose the vivid shade of orange I have my hair perpetually coloured at the salon didn't help anything. I am not the girl he knew anymore, I am an English woman, never will I earn the coveted title of being a Londoner - but I am a Nurse, a Midwife, and most importantly, a Nonnatun.

I am afraid to admit it, but I don't think you would like Nonnatus House much. It's the Convent I live in - I'm not a Nun (quite the opposite), but I live and work as a midwife alongside the Sisters of The Order of Saint Raymond Nonnatus, in Poplar, London. It is the heart of Poplar, thrumming along with the pulse of the community. It's old, and damp in places, and as hard as we try, the air hangs thick with a musty smell. But Nonnatus House, well it is my home now Mother, and I can't picture myself to be anywhere else.

I think everyone here has a reason to call Nonnatus House home. For me, it has been the longest place I have stayed settled in one room since I was 10 years old. When I moved to England as a child, I was moved from dormitory to dormitory, as I struggled to fit in amongst the other young girls in the Catholic Convent where I was educated. When I finished my education there, and had begun my training to be a Nurse, and then a Midwife, I lived in the Nurses' Home. The Nurses' Home was never home, I shifted from room to room like the tramps who roam the London streets shift from bench to bench. Since I took up my post at Nonnatus, I have had only one room, and one roommate - for a short time I had plans to move into a flat with Delia, but it never came to fruition. I may never have lived independently, but I have learnt how to live with other people, a skill I never thought would be possible just a few years ago.

My roommate, Trixie, also calls Nonnatus House home. She lost her family a long time ago too, her father was an alcoholic, and suffered the traumas of war, some of which we also saw together. Trixie is the kindest, most joyful soul that you could possible imagine, but she has overcome so much of her past, and I admire her for it. Nonnatus House is home to her because it has given her space to grow up, and find herself. We still stay up at night, chattering like schoolgirls, but we have grown into strong young women together.

As well as Trixie and myself, there are 3 other nurses living in Nonnatus House at the moment, and one who has recently moved out, to live with her husband who happens to be a vicar living just across the street. Her name is Barbara, and until the day I returned to Nonnatus House, she had been sharing a room with Phyllis, the oldest of the Midwives here. Barbara and Phyllis could not be more different, Barbara being youthful, and full of future, and Phyllis being a hardened veteran of Midwifery. I have never seen such a bond like theirs, however, and separating them was an emotional sight. Everyone here learns so much from each other. The other two nurses are Valeria and Delia, but I do not know Valerie, being the latest addition to Nonnatus whilst I was in Hong Kong, and Delia... Delia is different.

The Sisters of Nonnatus spend their lives at the service of others, the community, God, and each other. The spirit that bonds them is similar to the spirit that held together the women in the Internment Camp, an unbreakable resolve to do the best by others, no matter the cost. They have all done so much for me. Sister Julienne, the Sister in Charge at Nonnatus House, and very much the matriarchal figure, is someone I look up to. They really are an inspirational group of women, and (other than Delia) I wish you could meet them more than anyone else in the world. Even the people who leave Nonnatus House (for example Mrs Turner, formerly Sister Bernadette) are always welcome back home. The table at Nonnatus House is always full, and the atmosphere is filled with love and friendship!

I should really tell you who Delia is - it broke my heart when I realised that her Mother had no idea how much her daughter meant to me. I'm in love with her. Please don't be ashamed of me Mother, it isn't a conventional love, but it is our love, and it is as strong as the bond between any husband and wife. If I could, I would have made her my wife by now, or rather she would have made me hers. We were going to move into a flat so that we could be together. If I try to write down why, I'm awfully afraid that my tears would smudge the ink. I thought I'd lost her, like I lost everyone else I loved. 

It is thanks to Nonnatus House that Delia and I can live under the same roof. It isn't perfect, but it is the most precious gift we have been given. Delia is from Wales, a sleepy village in Pembrokeshire to be exact, and her parents would have done anything they could to keep her there. It was Sister Julienne's idea to offer her lodgings here whilst she trained as a Midwife. I think that just shows how important Nonnatus House is.

I have a home now Mother, and the only piece of you in it might be your broken mirror, but I am so happy here. I am so safe here. I have a family at long last, and although they will never replace my blood ties, nor my Mount name, I am loved, and I love.  
My love to you, now and always,  
Patience.

**Author's Note:**

> I've just had a small realisation. One of the reasons I love Call the Midwife so much is that Nonnatus House feels like home. I'm 16 and planning how I'm going to be able to move out of the house I'm currently living in - I need a home right now and Nonnatus is the home I escape to in my head.


End file.
